Written 30 November 2018
Sally is an electrician. She's married to a man named Bill, and they share a cosy cottage in the Yorkshire Dales.
Theirs is a good marriage, they treat each other well, rarely fight, and generally still enjoy each other's company.
But one day Sally will murder Bill.
Murder him in cold blood.
And she won't regret it.
You see, whenever someone asks Sally what she does, Bill will cut across her and tell the person, who is usually a stranger, that Sally ‘lays cable’ for a living.
He then laughs at his own joke for up to 2 minutes.
When they are both in their late 50’s, with two children who have left home, and having moved to Harrogate to live in a beautiful town house, and having enjoyed a long and successful marriage, Bill will tell her son's girlfriend, the first girl he'd ever bought home, that Sally lays cable for a living.
And it will be the 57th time he's made the joke.
And it will be the last.
When the house is empty again, Sally will strangle Bill with a thick electrical cable she had stored in the garage.
And when he stops struggling and the lights in his eyes go out, she'll throw the cable on top of him and shout “how's that for laying cable?”
Which doesn't really work as a literal quip.
But I wouldn't be the one to tell her that.